#xaden angst

[yanny-77]

I Don't Feel Safe with You Anymore

"What makes a dragon abandon her rider?" It's been five days since the Battle of Basgiath and Xaden still hasn't heard from Sgaeyl. The dragon left the college, needing time and distance to reflect on and process the changes to their bond since Xaden reached for power. Xaden is determined to give her that space, even as his magic drains the longer she stays away. He fights the urge to channel from the earth with everything he has but being a rider, his body is no longer compatible with life without magic. He can wait for her to come back. He can hold out. The alternative is unthinkable.

Rating: Mature Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Category: F/M Fandom: The Empyrean - Rebecca Yarros Relationships: Xaden Riorson/Violet Sorrengail, Xaden Riorson & Sgaeyl, Bodhi Durran & Xaden Riorson, Xaden Riorson & Garrick Tavis, Xaden Riorson & Jack Barlowe Characters: Xaden Riorson, Violet Sorrengail, Sgaeyl (Empyrean), Garrick Tavis, Bodhi Durran, Jack Barlowe Additional Tags: POV Xaden Riorson, Post-Book 2: Iron Flame (Empyrean), Venin (Empyrean), Venin Xaden, Hurt No Comfort, Angst, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions, Primary Riorgail, Secondary Imrrick, Secondary Bodoc, Xaden's Choice, Violet really fucking loves Xaden, So at least he's got that going for him Tasteful Smut in chapter 3

Publishing Schedule:

Chapter 1 - May 23rd

Chapter 2 - May 30th

Chapter 3 - June 6th

Chapter 4 - June 13th

Chapter 5 - June 20th

I had an angst prompt for the Fourth Wing Birthday Bash hosted by @skyfallscotland and @justallihere

Thanks to @creativepromptsforwriting for the prompt.

[thisblogisaboutabook]

I have this idea for a fic in the Fourth Wing world but I have never written for The Empyrean Series before. Do you all like Xaden x Reader angst with no happy ending orrr no?

[yanny-77]

LOL

I should have used this as a tag for I Don't Feel Safe With You Anymore

[olive-main]

Hi I hope it’s ok if i request this you really don’t have to do it. But a Xaden riorson fluff and angst where the reader gets really hurt but they are trying to help people so she hides it from Xaden and when he finds out he’s really mad at her but he’s really just scared of losing her and hates seeing her hurt with a happy ending. I hope this is ok and there is no pressure to do this I completely understand if you don’t want to.

Healing Through Hurt

Pairing: Xaden Riorson x afab!Reader

Summary: On the battlefield in Resson Xaden learns that reader wasn't completely truthful about her powers.

Wc: 668

A/N: ok, soooo long time no write. This is basically a blurb, and I hope I did your vision justice. Also it's been a hot minute since I read fourth wing so idk how canon-accurate this is hehe....Comments, likes, and reposts are all appreciated. Enjoy!

The battle was chaos, vernin had been much harder to kill than anticipated. Yet there was only one thing on Xadens mind. His dark eyes swept the battlefield, searching for the one person he couldn’t bear to lose - her. She was always in the thick of it, throwing herself into danger to help others, her heart too big for her own good. It was a trait he couldn’t decide if he loved or hated about her, as of right now he hated it. 

He had warned her to stay close, not to push herself too hard, but she had that stubbornness he couldn’t quite break. She’d soared down on the back of her dragon, disappearing from his sight for too long. Thankfully the chaos had finally begun to settle, how much time had passed no one knew, but Xaden had to find her. 

Xaden’s heart pounded in his chest as he scanned the smoke-filled horizon. When he finally spotted her, relief surged through him like lightning. She was kneeling beside an injured soldier, her hands glowing faintly as she channeled her gift. But something was wrong, very wrong. Her movements were sluggish, her face paler than it should have been. There was one thing she failed to mention about her gift - the pain she removed from the others was passed on to her. She felt every gash and wound as if it were her own, but her quick healing made the pain go by much faster. 

He stormed over, eyes narrowing. “What the hell are you doing?” he growled, pulling her up to face him. 

She flinched, guilt flashing across her face, but quickly masked it with a weak smile. “I’m fine, Xaden. Just helping.”

He didn’t buy it for a second. His gaze dropped to her side, where a deep gash was seeping blood through her tunic. It all clicked in his head as he examined her, the wound he'd seen on the male was now exactly the one she tried to cover. She had been hiding it - too focused on helping others to care for herself. All the times she had healed others, Xaden amongst them made something twist inside him. 

“Fine? You call this fine?” Xaden snapped, his voice harsh with anger. His hands hovered over her wound, his jaw clenching. “You’re bleeding out and you didn’t think to tell me?”

She winced but tried to push past him. “I couldn’t just leave them-”

“You could’ve died!” His voice cracked, the anger giving way to something deeper. Fear. His chest tightened at the thought of losing her, the image of her lifeless on the battlefield haunting his mind. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

Tears welled in her eyes, her facade finally breaking. “I didn’t want to worry you.”

Xaden’s anger melted away as he pulled her close, his hands trembling as he cupped her face. “I’m already worried, every damn second I’m not with you. You don’t get to hide things like this from me.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice barely audible as the adrenaline started to wear off, leaving her dizzy.

He exhaled slowly, pressing his forehead to hers. “Don’t ever scare me like that again.”

Carefully, he wrapped his arm around her, supporting her weight as they made their way to safety. His touch was gentle, despite the rough edges of his fear. “You’re too important to lose,” he murmured as they reached a quieter spot. “I need you. You don’t have to carry everything alone.” his words were soft, only meant for her to hear in his moment of vulnerability. 

She leaned into him, her body weak but her heart full. “I won’t. Not anymore.”

With a soft kiss to her temple, Xaden set her down gently, tending to her wound with hands that were much steadier now. “We’re getting through this,” he promised, his voice quieter but no less firm. “Together.”

And as the darkness of the battlefield faded into the distance, they both knew they would always have each other to hold on to.

Yay ty for reading XOXO ~

[mischiefmanagers]

when the fic warnings are like *major character death* but then also *angst with a happy ending* sign me THE FUCK up

[dee-writes-angst]

DROWNING

FEATURING Liam Mairi x reader

SUMMARY seeing the ghost of you hurts almost as bad as watching you go.

CONTENT WARNINGS major character loss, depression, depictions of grief

AUTHORS NOTE I don't know what it is right now, but I am just living for writing about grief. Sorry, not sorry! <3

"Look at me," Liam croaks from where he's splayed out on the ground by Deigh. Violet is sobbing loudly in Xaden's arms on the other side of him, but you can't hear them. Not when your ears feel like they've been filled with cotton when the love of your life is lying weakly on the ground beside you dying.

He's dying.

Oh gods.

As the realization sinks in, a heavy weight presses against your chest, squeezing the air from your lungs. Panic rises like a tide within you, threatening to overwhelm your senses. You reach out to Liam, your hands trembling as they hover over him, unsure of what to do, of how to help him.

"Stay with me, Liam," you plead, your voice barely a whisper, yet it reverberates with desperation. "Please, don't leave me."

But Liam's eyes are distant, glassy orbs that seem to stare into a void beyond your reach. His breathing is shallow, each exhale a painful reminder of his fragile state. You feel a tear escape your eye, tracing a path down your cheek as you struggle to hold back the flood of emotions threatening to engulf you.

Around you, the world seems to blur into an indistinct haze. The sounds of chaos and anguish fade into a distant hum, overshadowed by the deafening silence that fills your ears. All that exists in this moment is Liam, lying motionless before you, his life slipping away with each passing second.

Memories flood your mind like a torrential downpour, each one a bittersweet reminder of the moments you've shared together. The laughter, the tears, the whispered promises exchanged in the dead of night—they all swirl together in a kaleidoscope of emotions, too painful to bear yet too precious to let go.

You clench your fists, feeling the sting of helplessness gnawing at your insides. You would give anything—anything at all—to turn back time, to undo whatever led you to this moment, to save Liam from this cruel fate.

But time is a relentless force, indifferent to your pleas and regrets. And as you watch the light slowly fade from Liam's eyes, you realize with a sinking heart that there is nothing you can do to stop it.

"Please, Liam," you whisper, your voice cracking with grief. "I love you."

Liam's gaze meets yours, a flicker of recognition dances in his fading eyes. His lips part, words trembling on the precipice of his breath. With a herculean effort, he manages to muster the strength to speak, his voice barely a whisper, but each syllable heavy with emotion.

"Please…," he rasps, his voice barely audible above the din of chaos surrounding you. "You have to… keep living. For me."

His words strike you like a dagger to the heart, the pain of his plea tearing through the fragile facade of composure you've struggled to maintain. Tears stream down your cheeks unabated, hot and salty against your skin as you shake your head in disbelief.

"No, Liam," you choke out, your voice raw with anguish. "I can't… I can't do this without you."

But Liam's hand finds yours, his touch feeble yet filled with a quiet strength that belies his frailty. His fingers intertwine with yours, holding on with a determination born of love and desperation.

"You have to," he insists, his voice growing weaker with each passing moment. "You're stronger than you think… You can't let this… destroy you."

His words hang in the air like a solemn vow, a testament to the depth of his love and the sacrifice he's willing to make for you. And as you look into his eyes, you see the truth mirrored within them—the agonizing realization that this is goodbye.

A sob escapes your lips, a gut-wrenching cry that echoes through the desolate landscape of your heart. You bury your face in Liam's chest, clinging to him with a desperation born of fear and despair.

"I can't do this without you," you whisper brokenly, your voice a mere shadow of its former strength. "Please, don't leave me."

But Liam's grip weakens, his breaths growing shallower with each passing second. His eyes flutter closed, and for a moment, there's nothing but the deafening silence of impending loss.

Then, with a final exhale, he slips away, leaving behind nothing but the hollow ache of his absence. And as you cradle his lifeless form in your arms, the weight of his words settles over you like a shroud, a solemn reminder of the unbearable burden of grief that now lies ahead.

For in that moment, you realize that you've lost more than just the love of your life—you've lost a part of yourself, a piece of your soul that can never be replaced. And as you mourn the emptiness that now fills your heart, you know that nothing will ever be the same again.

There is no respite from the suffocating weight of grief that hangs heavy around your neck, dragging you down into the depths of despair.

You move through the world like a shadow of your former self, hollow and numb, the spark of life extinguished from your eyes. Friends and loved ones reach out to offer comfort, but their words fall on deaf ears, their gestures meaningless in the face of the gaping chasm that now consumes your soul.

Nights are the cruelest, long and lonely stretches of darkness that stretch on into eternity. You lie awake in bed, staring up at the ceiling, your mind consumed by thoughts of Liam—of all the things you wish you had said, all the moments you wish you could relive, all the ways you failed to save him.

The pain is relentless, a constant companion that gnaws at your insides, leaving you hollow and empty. You try to drown it out with alcohol, with drugs, with anything that will numb the ache in your heart, but nothing can fill the void left by Liam's absence.

And so, you continue to exist, day after day, trapped in a never-ending cycle of sorrow and regret. You wonder if it would have been easier if you had died with him, if you could have spared yourself this endless torment.

But deep down, you know that even death would offer no escape from the torment of your memories, no relief from the agony of your loss. And so you carry on, a shell of the person you once were, forever haunted by the ghost of the love you lost.

Days melted into weeks, and weeks into months, but the ache in my heart remained unyielding, a constant reminder of the void that Liam's absence had left behind. I found myself adrift in a sea of memories, unable to escape the relentless tide of grief that threatened to consume me.

Each morning brought with it a new battle, a struggle to find the strength to face another day without him by my side. I would drag myself out of bed, my limbs heavy with exhaustion, my mind clouded with sorrow, and force myself to move forward, one agonizing step at a time.

But no matter how hard I tried to bury my pain beneath layers of routine and responsibility, it always found a way to claw its way back to the surface, a gaping wound that refused to heal. I would catch myself staring blankly at the wall, lost in the labyrinth of my thoughts, my mind a swirling maelstrom of regret and longing.

It was in those moments of quiet desperation that I would feel him—Liam's presence hovering just beyond the edge of my consciousness, a whisper in the wind, a flicker of light in the darkness. I would close my eyes and reach out to him, my fingers grasping at the empty air, longing for the warmth of his touch, the sound of his voice, the comfort of his embrace.

But he was always just out of reach, a ghostly apparition that danced on the fringes of my perception, taunting me with the promise of solace that I knew would never come. And yet, I couldn't bring myself to let go—not when the mere thought of him was the only thing keeping me tethered to the world of the living.

I tried to lose myself in my work, throwing myself into my studies with a fervor bordering on obsession. But no matter how many hours I spent buried in books, no matter how many experiments I conducted in the sterile confines of the lab, I couldn't shake the feeling of emptiness that gnawed at my soul.

My friends and family tried to help, offering their support and encouragement in the hopes of lifting my spirits. They would invite me out for dinner, take me for long walks in the park, even organize weekend getaways to try and distract me from my pain.

But I couldn't escape the suffocating weight of grief that hung over me like a shroud, a darkness that followed me wherever I went, tainting even the most mundane moments with its oppressive presence. I would smile and nod and pretend to be okay, but inside, I was crumbling, piece by agonizing piece.

It wasn't until one particularly dark night, when the weight of my sorrow threatened to crush me beneath its relentless onslaught, that I finally reached my breaking point. I found myself standing on the edge of a precipice, staring out into the yawning abyss that stretched out before me, the urge to let go—to surrender to the sweet release of oblivion—almost overwhelming.

But then, in the depths of my despair, I felt a hand on my shoulder, a gentle pressure that pulled me back from the brink. I turned, expecting to see nothing but the empty darkness of my own mind, but instead, I found myself face to face with Liam—or rather, a ghostly apparition that bore his likeness.

I blinked, unable to believe my eyes. "Liam?" I whispered, my voice barely a breath in the stillness of the night.

He smiled—a sad, wistful smile that tugged at my heartstrings. "It's me," he said, his voice a mere whisper in the silence that surrounded us.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I reached out to touch him, my fingers trembling with disbelief. "But how?" I asked, my voice choked with emotion. "How is this possible?"

Liam's smile faded, replaced by a look of profound sadness. "I'm not really here," he said, his voice heavy with regret. "I'm just a figment of your imagination—a manifestation of your grief."

I shook my head, unwilling to accept the truth. "No," I protested, my voice rising in desperation. "You're real. You're here with me. I can feel you."

But Liam's expression remained unchanged, his eyes filled with a quiet resignation. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice barely audible above the sound of my own heartbeat. "I wish I could stay, but I can't. You have to let me go."

I felt a surge of panic rise within me, a primal instinct that screamed out in protest. "No," I cried, my voice echoing in the emptiness that surrounded us. "I won't. I can't. I need you."

But Liam shook his head, his features fading into the darkness like smoke on the wind. "You don't need me," he said, his voice a distant echo in the recesses of my mind. "You're stronger than you think. You have to find the strength to carry on, even without me."

And then he was gone, leaving me alone in the darkness, the emptiness of his absence a physical ache that echoed in the depths of my soul. I sank to my knees, tears streaming down my face, my heart shattering into a million jagged pieces.

But even as I wept, a small seed of hope took root within me—a tiny flicker of light amidst the darkness that threatened to engulf me. I realized that Liam was right—that I couldn't continue to cling to him, to the memory of what we once had.

I had to find a way to let go—to honor his memory by living my life to the fullest, by embracing the future with open arms, even in the face of uncertainty and pain. It wouldn't be easy, I knew, but I was determined to try—for Liam, and for myself.

And so, with a heavy heart and a newfound sense of purpose, I picked myself up off the ground and began to walk—away from the edge of the abyss, away from the darkness that had threatened to consume me, toward a future filled with possibility and hope.

It wouldn't happen overnight, I knew. The road ahead would be long and difficult, fraught with challenges and setbacks that would test my resolve at every turn. But I was ready—ready to face whatever the future held, armed with nothing but my love for Liam and the knowledge that he would always be with me, guiding me every step of the way.

And as I walked, the darkness began to recede, slowly but surely, replaced by the warm glow of dawn breaking on the horizon. I smiled, tears still streaming down my face, but now they were tears of hope, of gratitude, of a newfound sense of purpose.

For even though Liam was gone, his love remained—a beacon of light that would guide me through the darkest nights and lead me toward a future filled with possibility and promise.

And with that thought in my heart, I took my first steps into the unknown, ready to embrace whatever lay ahead, secure in the knowledge that I would never truly be alone. Liam would always be with me, a whisper in the wind, a flicker of light in the darkness, a love that would never fade away.

[siobhanbooks]

xaden to two of his brothers

to liam

Just close your eyes, the sun is going down You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound

to bodhi

Don't you dare look out your window, darling, everything's on fire The war outside our door keeps raging on Hold onto this lullaby even when the music's gone, gone

[riddlesb1tch]

Masterlist

I do take requests but there’s no guarantee that I will write it :)

all dividers here and on my posts are by the incredibly talented @cafekitsune

Legend:

fluff: 🌹

angst: 🖤

A Court of Thorns and Roses

Azriel:

🌹 Hold me tight 🖤

🌹 Nasty bat 🌹

🌹 Guardian Angel 🌹

🌹 Opposites attract 🌹 (part 1)

🌹 Menace 🌹

🌹 Pretty Boy 🌹

🖤 All in Your Head 🖤

🌹 Drama queen 🌹

🖤 Nature's A Bitch 🖤

🌹 Loved You First 🖤

🌹 Morning Person 🌹

🌹 I Love You More Than I Love You 🌹

🌹 The Perfect Date 🌹

🌹 Under the Stars 🌹

🌹Safe In Your Arms 🌹

Cassian:

🌹 Morning kisses 🌹

🌹 Scarred stars 🌹

🌹 Being Mated to Cassian 🌹

Rhysand:

🌹 Never alone 🖤

Cazriel:

🌹 Bad Day 🖤

Fourth Wing

Xaden Riorson:

🌹 Strawberry Lips 🌹

🌹 ‘I’ is Important 🌹

Liam Mairi:

🌹 Carved In Love 🌹

Harry Potter

Mattheo Riddle:

🌹 Headcannons: Mattheo x introverted reader🌹

🌹 My Girl 🌹

[av-a-fletcruel]

Xaden and Violet arguement

Angst

Summary: one of the arguments between Xaden & Violet of him trying to keep here safe ( for example her sneaking off to teceruss to get the luminary.)

From violets POV:

‘Why can you not just stay here so your safe from all harms way?’ Xaden raises his voice a tiny bit,with annoyance ringing in his tone, ‘just like everyone else’s here for dunne‘s sake!'

How could he say that when he puts himself in danger all the time? That’s an unfair question to ask of me and especially from how far I’ve come.

'How is it different from you going out there each day or for Maleks sake for a nearly full week while I wait crossing me fingers at the morning formation begging,pleading for your name to not come up,’ or Mira’s but this conversation is about us,about him being a too stubborn arsehole to let me actually do any real help other than staying behind these walls and reading, I let down my shield for him to hear it all down our bonds hopefully to see how unfair this is and how he is being a prick. ‘Reciting the same 3 words in my head like my own mantra,mourning the loss of seeing ur chest raise each morning in bed to see ach breath contains a heart beat.'

I tell him with my voice breaking into a graspy hollow sound, to tell him how unfair it is to see him in dangers and not by side me with his heartbeating my own motivational of life, to tell him it breaks micro scabs of my heart to watch him go gradually leaving me with a hollow wound nothing can fill but his gaze back on me,my hands on him in a tight grip of comfort as I hold him in bed to make sure he won’t leave me once again in the mourning to see the awful view of his side,his side clear as air will let it with the weight thundering on me for him for 2 different but interlinked reasons. For him leaving me and leaving me.

‘You cannot expect me to simply let you into harms way never mind lead you into it.’

‘What because my life is intertwined to yours and you can’t trust me to defend my own or your life!’ … that wasn’t at all fair to say to him of course he trusts me,… I think, but I need to do some thing more useful out of here actually save and protect lives- like his.

‘That is not the truth and you know it Violet. Of course I trust you with my life as you said just a couple of months ago,the only thing you could trust me with was yours, then let me keep that trust and defend your life!’ He says desperation leaning into his eyes with a flicker of gold sway in to the storm of arguements and emotions he’s building. For once please don’t build those damn walls.

‘Yes of course u know that it was an error to accuse you of that but you treat me like less of all the survivors of Resson like I wasn’t one,like I wasn’t the one that killed one,you are sending all of them out there but me for Dunne crying out loud I wish you treated me as careless like at Gauntele-'

‘For fucks sake you weren’t mine then and certainly you then you weren’t nearly not gong to be a survivor for 3 fucking miserable days! Why won’t I let u risk your life every grateful day that u did become a survivor and one of us,on our side is because I can’t risk u because very clearly have I put it that I can’t risk the one thing that keeps me alive not literally my life through our bond but the life you push me to proceed with your heart crashing around doing malek knows what risking you life out there,everywhere u go that ISN’T behind these walls,’ he empathises on each words trying to let me understand his heartbreaking confession of the greed of my security of being protected behind and beyond these ward less walls that u have not succeeded once.

‘You cannot simply ask me to not risk my life with you doing so it is insultingly unfa-' I fail at my arguement with the little one I have..or had

‘Why won’t you let me keep you safe, Violet?Why don’t you just let me keep you safe?’ He pleads in shout that I bet everyone can hear from behind the doors of the sparring room, ‘For once, one time! ’ he contorts to plead with a punishable look of desperation flooding his eyes a storm to let me understand how unfair this is on him.

‘Let me keep you safe,for not for you, Violet, for me, selfishly me!’ he screams at me with desperation and as he drops to his knees infront of me his head hangs low for a second before snapping up to me with mercy in his eyes as no walls stands as they have been penetrated beyond control he can fathom now.

He looks me dead in the eyes as a slither of something comes out from his left side his face threateningly to slither down his cheek

A tear.

It follows it route before I drop down onto my knees and kiss it away the salty punishment burning on my lips of what I have done cradling him in a crushing grip as u do one hand in his soft hair one on his back as he leans his head initi the dents of my necks holding onto my back as his voice cracks into a million apologies none that I take as I tell him my own his hands pull me in in my back as he kissing behind me on the back of my shoulder crying, apologies running down my back from his throat like a fountain broken beyond measures nothing holding back.

A sharp pain shoot up my right shoulder blade as he bites onto it unpleasant tears stream my back still ac it ur my head and his eyes scrunched as tight as they could. With an unfathomable amount of pain I have endoured.

'Im so sorry all I want is you safe I can’t breathe when your not nevermind when we fight I can’t stand the thought of losing you in anyway all I want is you safe,it’s all I want.'

'I know, I know, unknown , I have been unfair on you no need for apologies, Xaden, it okay really I’m here I’m the one who is sorry but we are as you have said before difficult people we need to get through this nervend which one of us needs to be sorry.‘

' …I love you, Xaden.'

'I love you , Violet.'

[suebswrites]

Just Ask, Chapter 15: Confession

Yes, you read that correctly. A NEW chapter is out, only one week later!!! This one just blazed out of me. Obviously we can’t expect this EVERY time, but…woohoo!!

Need a refresher (or missed last week’s chapter)? Just Ask, Chapter 14: Tuesday

New to the fic? Just Ask, Chapter 1: The Funeral

Fic summary:

[Post-Iron Flame.] There's a lot that Violet Sorrengail does not have the emotional energy to deal with right now. From her mother, to figuring out what to do about Aretia, to the absolute train wreck of the situation with Xaden, she just wants to get through the next little while without losing her mind. And last on her list of things she wants to deal with is the sudden appearance of her ex, Crown Prince Halden, because it's going to introduce a whole new clusterfuck of baggage to everything else on her plate.

How do we deal with our book hangover? We write our own Book 3, that’s how!!

[yanny-77]

Fic Update: I Don’t Feel Safe with You Anymore Ch 3

Chapter 3 of 5

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

Word Count: 2,362/6,308

Fic Summary:

“What makes a dragon abandon her rider?"

It's been five days since the Battle of Basgiath and Xaden still hasn't heard from Sgaeyl. The dragon left the college, needing time and distance to reflect on and process the changes to their bond since Xaden reached for power. Xaden is determined to give her that space, even as his magic drains the longer she stays away. He fights the urge to channel from the earth with everything he has but being a rider, his body is no longer compatible with life without magic.

He can wait for her to come back. He can hold out.

The alternative is unthinkable

Chapter Summary:

Xaden doesn’t know how he ended up in the dungeons or why he sought of Jack, but since he’s here, he might as well ask the questions that have been eating at him since the battle.

Note: this chapter includes NSFW content.

Excerpt:

“I knew you'd be back.” All the usual arrogance rings hollow in Barlowe’s voice.

Xaden can’t believe it’s come to this. That he’s here asking the enemy for help. For fuck’s sake, this man has tried to kill his Violence more times than Xaden can count. There has to be some other way, but even as he thinks it, he knows there isn’t. He takes a deep breath and lets the words spill out of him. “What changes can I expect?”

“Changes?”

Fine. The bastard isn’t going to make this easy on him. He expected it. He can handle it. His hand shakily runs through his hair and he pulls at the roots, just enough to ground himself. “To my body and my mind. If I don’t channel.” Xaden swallows. He can’t look at Barlowe. “And if I do.”

“Why would you need to channel when you have a dragon?” The sickening smile on his face tells Xaden that Barlowe knows exactly why he is asking. “It’s hard to stop once you start, isn’t it?”

“I can stop any time I want,” Xaden says, and he believes it too.

Read Now on AO3

Publishing Schedule:

Chapter 1 - May 23rd

Chapter 2 - May 30th

Chapter 3 - June 6th

Chapter 4 - June 13th

Chapter 5 - June 20th

Thanks to @housetomte and @sarahydeart for beta.

This fic was written as part of the Basgaith Birthday Bash. See chapter notes for credit.

[thoughtsaboutshows]

Playing around with a Bartender AU fic for Xaden/Violet

It is no where near fleshed out or close to being done so idk if it’ll go anywhere but here’s a two scenes from it 😍

Scene 1

She could hardly focus as he stood behind her, hovering with his mouth a breath from her ear. He smelled like mint and the scent of him was far more intoxicating than the drink he was teaching her to make.

“Like this?” She asked him, purposely muddling the sugar and lemon incorrectly just to get his hand on hers.

“Not so violent, Violence.” He gripped her hand just as she hoped as he smirked from behind her. She still couldn’t see him but she could hear the amusement in his voice. Xadens hands were surprisingly soft as he helped her adjust the angle and level of force she used. His voice was less so, all gravely and dark and what she thought might be desire. “Sometimes gentle is best.”

She wanted his hands gripping her elsewhere as she couldn’t help but disagree.

Scene 2

“Why have you never brought him here?” He asks Violet as he peels an orange with a knife. Gods he’s not even looking at it, just right at her, his onyx eyes locked on her hazel ones. She finds it way hotter than she should.

She tells him it’s because she doesn’t want the place ruined in her mind if it doesn’t work out with Halden. She doesn’t tell him the real reason is because he’s there, always making her the perfect drink and letting the perfect words roll off of his tongue. She doesn’t want their little bubble tainted by questions of how do you know Violet so well? She doesn’t want what they have ruined by the appearance of Halden. She doesn’t want to lose this side of Xaden, even if she doesn’t really have him.

He doesn’t tell her he doesn’t buy her excuse. But he pretends for her sake, and because he too doesn’t want to lose what they have

[starfall-spirit]

Summary: Liam and Deigh survived, but only just. So close to meeting Malek, trepidatious feelings begin to bloom from all sides of the trio.

AN: SFW, a little angsty, and a quick write with no editing. Enjoy.

Read on Ao3

Violet

Someone had driven nails into her skull while she was sleeping. That, or she just had the worst fucking headache of her life. Fighting past that pain, she began assessing the deep ache in her muscles, every one from head to toe. All pain aside, it was the bone-deep exhaustion that kept her from trying to open her eyes and process her surroundings. Unfortunitely, all that did was clear sleep's fog from her mind, making room for her recent memories to surface.

Venin.

Wyvern.

Liam.

"Liam."

"Alive. Just barely." A warm hand wrapped around hers. Xaden. "He's in the next room. He made it, Vi."

At that she forced her eyes open, taking in the set of his mouth, his furrowed brow, and the soul-deep worry in his eyes. Eyes that had yielded so little in the time they'd known each other. She and Liam had started to change that, cracking his mask. "Liam's okay." She let out a heavy sob. "Deigh made it. Thank Dunne."

"It'll be a slow flight to Basgiath, but Malek hasn't claimed them yet."

The mention of flying had her reaching down her own bonds, searching for those two threads in her mental archives. "We are fine. There is no need for concern."

Still, Violet frowned. "Andarna?"

"She sleeps. And will continue to do so, entering her Dreamless Sleep. She has reached adolescence," he almost grumbled. "You should be in no hurry for her to wake, Silver One. Focus on your partners. And eat something, or I'll tell Sgaeyl's human to make you."

She huffed, but didn't protest, knowing her stomach was on the verge of announcing it's empty state regardless. Besides, she had other bones to pick at the moment. "How long has this been going on?"

Xaden swallowed. Long before they met, then. Still, his secrecy stung. "I told you I had secrets. If I had said something..." Not knowing what Dain had read beyond Athebyne, the logical side of her understood. Emotions shouldn't have a place in this discussion—No. They had moved past the no emotions and feelings stage out on the parapet. She had every right to be hurt by this. "It's clear the second and third years know what you're doing. Liam?"

She saw it. The flicker of hesitation. The urge to cover his brother's mistakes. "Not everything."

Violet swallowed. "I'm going to see him."

"Violet."

"Believe me, Xaden, this conversation is far from over. But I need space. And I need to see he's still breathing."

Forcing her legs under her, she trudged out to the hall, pushing open the cracked door beside hers—Xaden's she supposed. Bodhi's head jerked up from the book resting in his lap. "Well, welcome back." His lips tugged into something that could almost be called a smirk. "Don't take this the wrong way, but you look like death warmed over, mended or not."

"Gee, you must get all the ladies with lines like that. I just need a shower, but..." He nodded, face solemn once more. "Has he woken up yet?"

"Twice, though not for long. The toll on his dragon was heavy. In turn, Liam needs rest too. He'll come out of this just fine, Violet."

"Will he? Will any of us? Soleil won't just be a random name on the death role when we get back to the college, Bodhi." He flinched at that. "I'm sorry. That was cruel."

"It was honest. I'll leave you be."

The door snicked shut behind him, leaving Violet with only her own wild thoughts and Liam's breathing. Stepping forward, she let herself take in the color in his face. The exposed skin of his arms and face bare of any wounds. The rise and fall of his broad chest. Steady. Level. He was alive. "Thank Dunne," she repeated.

And with her relief another memory wriggled forward.

It's been. My honor. I love you, Violet. Another sob clogged her parched throat as she slumped into the chair beside the bed, still warm from Bodhi's natural body heat. People say crazy things on death's door. Had he even meant it? More than that, did she want him to? They're relationship had hardly begun, and now knowing he had hid things from her too. How was she meant to love two men she couldn't trust?

The fact remained, she did. Hurt as she was, part of her wanted—longed for a future with Xaden and Liam in it. If they lived, that is. She couldn't be sure she'd see her next birthday with Venin to worry about. Hell, she wasn't sure she'd see Xaden and Garrick graduate before they were killed without question by their own leadership. "Fuck," she hissed.

"Welcome to my world," Xaden said from behind her. The thud of his boots was near silent as he came to stand in front of her, offering a sturdy tray that held a bowl of stew, hot bread, and a glass of water. "You're no good to him wasting away."

"I told you I wanted space," she growled. "Here you are ten minutes later."

"I'll give you all the time you need. After that bowl of stew is in you." Huffing, she gulped down half of the cool water before taking the spoon and scooping up a slice of carrot and broth. "He said something to you before he passed out."

She took another bite, sighing as her headache already began to dull. Despite how open their relationship was among one another, saying those words to Xaden seemed a daunting task. He hadn't shown the slightest tension since their first night as a triad. Yet she hesitated. "He said he was honored to be my friend and shadow. And that he loved me."

"Meant. Every. Word." She jumped, stew sloshing onto the tray before she set it aside to scramble out of the chair and onto the bed. "Xaden can take me to the mat in a day or two if he's got a problem with it." If he had another quip for their wingleader, Violet quickly silenced it, throwing her leg over his waist to straddle him, claiming his mouth in a desperate kiss. She started to pull away when he flinched at her movement, but the pain had either faded, or Liam had deemed it worth suffering if it kept her mouth on his. "Vi," he breathed, flexing his hands around her waist.

"I am so fucking pissed at you both. But that can wait." Taking a deep, shuttering breath, she pressed her forehead to his. "I love you, Liam. As first my friend, now my partner. I love you."

He stroked his thumb along her bottom lip, a slow smile claiming his mouth. "Good."

Looking back to Xaden, she found only contentment in his eyes. They had many broken pieces to pick up, but they also had something precious. Something worth fighting for.

[softmenace]

Ohhhhmygod I just read the Xaden plot twist at the end of Iron Flame and damn. I knew something happened but I didn't know what.

[chaoticneutraltor]

[caeli0306]

the present, the past, and you in between

One-shot now posted on AO3: READ HERE

Summary:

The room smells of violets. No, it smells of Violet. Uppercase. Violet. The love of my life. My heart. Violet. My partner. My wife. My brilliant fucking woman.

---

In which Xaden knows its time to go.

===

When I wake up, the room smells of violets.

No- it smells of Violet. Uppercase.

My eyes stay shut again the sunlight flittering about the room, shining through the sheer curtains Violet hung up years ago.

It's easier to wake up with the sun in your eyes, she'd said to me with a laugh when I protested. And because she is my wife, I said "Of course, love," and woke up with the sun along with her.

Violet. The love of my life. My heart.

The war was long, but my life with her has been longer. I used to say that I've lived on borrowed time, and I accepted that my life was destined to be short. Then I began to pray to Malek, begging to borrow more, all to spend with her.